19th July, 2010

Have you ever missed yourself? If its difficult for you to comprehend, then let me try to clarify it. Do you feel that at this very moment of your life, you are a different person than who you were at any other juncture? I know that most of you don’t ever spend the time to search your souls. Well I don’t care. I am here to speak about myself! Not you guys. Over the years, I have experienced a lot of things. I have changed from being a child, to being “childish”, from being immature to “behaving” immature to shedding immaturity, embracing maturity, forgetting maturity, loving maturity, hating it. I have loved, been loved, fallen in love, fallen out of love, found love, lost love, made love. I have won, lost, won and lost, won yet lost. And through all of this, I have gone from being one person to another. Passed through thousands of transient phases, each often indistinguishable from the other. Its like a rainbow. You can see the red and the yellow. But you can never tell where the red turned into the yellow! And all of these persons… I have different feelings about all of them. I miss some of them while I hate to think of some. Some scare me and others annoy me. Some make me feel jealous while others thankful.

I ran into one of them recently. I loved him! He is this amazingly wild person with an unending stock of energy. He never seems to get tired. And nothing seems beyond him. He is unperturbed by all the obstacles ahead of him. He doesn’t give a damn what anyone is going to conclude from what he says or does. He does something only because he wants to do it! And all this fuelled by a stalwart conscience and a deep and unmovable embrace with honesty. And this guy is wild! He cracks the funniest of jokes! And he is the meanest and most sarcastic little devil you can come across! And yet you can’t hate him! He has this innocent vibe about him! And he is a dreamer. Dreams the freakiest dreams. And does the freakiest stuff to make those dreams come true! And the best part about him? He doesn’t stop!

You know what? I like him so much, I think I am going to ask him to stay for a while…

To all the Phonies out there...

Man do I hate phonies! I hate all kinds of them…dumb phonies, clever ones, shrewd rascals, sorry ones, lousy ones. You name it, and I hate them all. Only because all of them are phonies. Now, just because somebody isn’t a phony doesn’t mean that he never lies or anything. Sometimes you need to lie. Its necessary sometimes (maybe to get away from a phonie). All I wanna say is that a phony isn’t a phony just because he lies. A phony is a phony because he or she tries to portray himself (mostly herself though) as somebody who he/she isn’t! THAT’S PHONY! I guess re reading The Catcher in the Rye has made my hormonal levels shoot up. And its all because of the stupid phonies. Phonies who make up stories and speak them like they are the truth. The funniest part is that he knows that somebody else knows that he is lying. He still has the audacity to make up that lousy story and publish it! He believes it makes him look cool. Just like the tones of cash he spends in front of female associates and seems to lose track of all his dough when his “not so cool” male friends want to go out! Or how about that particular phony? He/she thinks that by acting stupid in class and pretending to be so darn interested in all the studies is gonna make everybody turn towards her! Just because I wear trendy dresses that I buy out of my filthy rich dad’s hard earned dough, I think I can do what I want! Great man! Love your philosophy. I award you the Nobel Prize for having the biggest lack in life! Everybody can hear the professor. Why the hell can’t you? WHY IN THE WORLD DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO ASK THE TEACHER TO REPEAT HERSELF?????????????? Don’t you bloody get tired of it??? And yes I know the senseless and brainless bastards in your immature and desperate little group think you are the best thing in the world. But trust me, you are the sorriest of losers to walk on God’s green earth! You know another funny thing? I have been coming across all these phonies all my life! They are all the same. Trust me! This post is written in general. Not targeted at anybody in particular. But strangely, all the phonies of the world will unite in one regard. They will all feel that this post is directed towards each and every one of them! See, that is HOW guilty you are you losers. Don’t feel too bad though. I think you should enjoy this little era of pretentious joy that fortune has so charitably set aside for you. So cheers to your good times of falsehood and lies and good luck to you when a few years later you shall be at each others’ throats, each blaming the other for ruining his/her life!

Till next time…To get something you never had before, you need to do something you never did before.