There’s a voice in my head that tells me to stop but there is this lady in red drives me on. She’s not some pretty lady, she is just a hallucination. She is no good for me, but she makes me feel good…and she keeps pulling me away from myself…from my innocent self…she draws me to her lair…her soft woollen carpets of acceptance and her fluffy pillows of denial. Monotony is such a bitch…flaunting her starched shirts and perfect creaseless cotton pants. Its getting to me really…blood pumping in my veins, thumping my head…walls…dead ends…I am a servant of fate am I? And staying shut is so much fun…let the lady guide you…she knows best….makes you feel good…not about yourself…just good. Good in a bad way…like said before…”I love you…like I hate you”! Everyday that 9 30 am run, those drowsy afternoons at the machine…and the stupid noddings. Why am I like this? That’s because I am scared…scared of losing this. I don’t want this…but they tell me there is nothing else to have! Claustrophobic little room with senseless minds and mosquitoes that squeeze the life out of my body…what is it that I was supposed to find here? It’s a road I have left behind in 3 months time. It’s a dusty road…and it doesn’t have any ladies in red…but something tells me, its where I should be.
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