The Man with the Hoe

This poem by Edwin Markham was part of my ISC syllabus. This came to mind when I kept looking at the headlines everyday about the Maoist attrocities being reported. I do not justify their actions, but I feel this poem does hit the right chord...the reason why many have taken up this stand.

Bowed by the weight of centuries he leans
Upon his hoe and gazes on the ground,
The emptiness of ages in his face,
And on his back the burden of the world.
Who made him dead to rapture and despair,
A thing that grieves not and that never hopes.
Stolid and stunned, a brother to the ox?
Who loosened and let down this brutal jaw?
Whose was the hand that slanted back this brow?
Whose breath blew out the light within this brain?
Is this the Thing the Lord God made and gave
To have dominion over sea and land;
To trace the stars and search the heavens for power;
To feel the passion of Eternity?
Is this the Dream He dreamed who shaped the suns
And marked their ways upon the ancient deep?
Down all the stretch of Hell to its last gulf
There is no shape more terrible than this —
More tongued with censure of the world's blind greed —
More filled with signs and portents for the soul —
More fraught with menace to the universe.
What gulfs between him and the seraphim!
Slave of the wheel of labor, what to him
Are Plato and the swing of Pleiades?
What the long reaches of the peaks of song,
The rift of dawn, the reddening of the rose?
Through this dread shape the suffering ages look;
Time's tragedy is in the aching stoop;
Through this dread shape humanity betrayed,
Plundered, profaned, and disinherited,
Cries protest to the Powers that made the world.
A protest that is also a prophecy.
O masters, lords and rulers in all lands,
Is this the handiwork you give to God,
This monstrous thing distorted and soul-quenched?
How will you ever straighten up this shape;
Touch it again with immortality;
Give back the upward looking and the light;
Rebuild in it the music and the dream,
Make right the immemorial infamies,
Perfidious wrongs, immedicable woes?
O masters, lords and rulers in all lands
How will the Future reckon with this Man?
How answer his brute question in that hour
When whirlwinds of rebellion shake all shores?
How will it be with kingdoms and with kings —
With those who shaped him to the thing he is —
When this dumb Terror shall rise to judge the world.
After the silence of the centuries?

A letter from yesterday

Its amazing what cleaning old stuff can lead to! Every time I start cleaning my room (trust me it’s a rarity!) I always end up finding something or the other from my past. This last time I found a letter. One which I had forgotten to send. Or maybe I had decided later that I didn’t have to. Whatever it was, I don’t even remember the occasion on which I had written the letter. It however sheds some light on my past…and the reason why my life shaped out to the way it did. So here it is…

N.B: The handwriting is hardly legible and gives the impression that it is written by a trembling hand…

Ami kichu parchi na. Kichu bujhte parchi na. U weren’t wanting to talk over the phone. But I feel I cant stay without talking to you. So I am writing down everything I am thinking of…everything that is coming to mind. Amar mone hoche je I am not enjoying my life. I am always engrossed in you. Just try sometimes to do other things. But I am always thinking about u at the back of my mind. Earlier the time I had for u was u alone, and after meeting up with u, I found just as much interest in my studies. Now I have no ninterests. I am not happy in life. I have lost my will to do things. I am no longer the passionate one u fell in love with. I am not blaming you. Just need ur help. Scold me more often. Don’t push me away but tell me where I should stop. I need to be happy about not ONLY making u happy. There are loads of other things in life that I wanna do. Make me enjoy them. Like I did before. Sorry for asking SO much. But I feel somewhere down the line, you grew up much faster then I did. Help me grow up now please. So that I can catch up with u. Na hole hobe na. Ami pagol and frustrated hoye jabo. Puro frustrated.
I feel better now after talking to you.

Confession

Broken pencils and lost toys
Make way for broken hearts and lost love.
Tiny rivulets of joy,
Long washed away by floods of despair,
The fear of telling a lie,
Smothered by the fear of facing the truth.
Rain, wash away my years,
I just want to be pure again.

Relief

The black ants scurried about. Scurried like they were on fire. Though the sun had been engulfed by the mighty clouds, the ground was still hot from the grilling it had faced all day. The sky was a smoky hue with dashes of faint blue. The air wasn’t still anymore like it was a few minutes ago. There was a breeze now. And the trees swayed gently to the light breeze. Cool and soothing…unlike the heat waves that had tormented throughout the day. And sometimes when there was a burst of wind, the coconut leaves rustled. Rustled like the waves caressing a distant shore. In the distance I could hear the shouts of glee of fellowmen. They had been silenced by the heat before. Now they summoned the gods of rain with renewed passion in their voices. And they were gleeful. On the roof of a nearby home, a lady draped in red, her hair unsettled from the deep sleep she had been in a moment ago, was busily running about gathering up the clothes she had let out to dry. A little girl, with open hair floating in the wind pranced around at her heels. I looked down at my faded jeans, the lower part of which I had rolled up in the heat. And my Converse lay beside me, one on top of the other. And the socks rolled up a little farther away. I ran my fingers through my hair…to let my forehead feel some of the air. And there was the smell. The smell of freedom. The smell of relief. The smell that could wash all my grief away. The smell that cleansed my soul. The smell that made me love my life like never before. The smell that made me want to live. It was the smell of rain. It made me tingle within. I looked up at the sky. There was no blazing sun to blind my eyes. And I closed my eyes…I saw some shapes…a man… a girl…running…orange…and then yellow…with an outline of green…and suddenly it all melted like wax…no no like ice cream…in to nothingness…a blur of faint orange…then slowly it darkened…and there were dots…dots zoomed around…Brownian motion ( hehe!)…random motion…zoomed here and there…hit each other…dodged away…came towards me and vanished…it made me dizzy…and I loved it! Then I felt something on my nose…something cool…and then again on my right eye…I stuck my tongue out for it…and then it came pouring down…little drops of heaven…it rained!

Glimpses of the past

It was so familiar. Like I was here only a month ago. Yet so much had changed. I felt like I was a fifty year old man visiting his college after many years to get his kid enlisted or something. It took me some time to realize that nothing had changed physically except maybe that Milan da’s wasn’t there anymore. It was just that the faces had changed. The familiar faces. Familiar faces whose names I didn’t know…hell I didn’t even know what they studied…I just knew them. I knew that they were always there. And they knew me…they knew that I was always there. That was how it was with the place. The little open space outside the Worldview Bookstore. The “lobby”…that’s what they call it I think. I never used to so I don’t really know.

It was the same whitewashed walls, the same dirty floors smeared with coffee and the coffee cups strewn all around. The glass doors…the strange metallic rail…on all sides. I remember playing “kumir danga” there…the rails were the toughest yet coolest “danga”s to take refuge on. And oh yeah…Souvik…the perpetual “Kumir”! It was amazing how he always managed to get caught and have to become the “kumir” and then spend the entire game like that! And of course there was Gorai jumping around like a hyperactive squirrel! And I always used to be the one composing rules to make the game more exciting…and Shruti, she was always looking out for whether I was cheating in any way! Once we were playing quite late into the evening and we had people we never knew joining us in the game! And us dashing around always got the idlers pissed…generally the stupid gals wearing too much make up and giggling around…and the boys who always hung out with them and made stupid jokes. None of us gave a damn about them though…we played our hearts out!

Well I stopped at the same old metallic rails…there was a lot more that had changed. The bookstore…the same old guy was there. I don’t know if he recognized me or was he just being cordial but he gave me a smile…and when I smiled back he asked me where I had been for so long ( I don’t really think he knew HOW long though). “Just busy”…that’s what I said.

Coming back after almost 2 years, I was supposed to feel quite at home wasn’t I? After all 2 years isn’t too much of a gap…besides, I often passed by…just that I never bothered to stop and sit down. And whenever I had passed by, it had always seemed the same. But now that I was sitting there…on the rail to the right of the bookstore, I felt I was in an all new place. I knew no one. Except the guy from the bookstore. Most people I knew were still in college…in the last year of their courses. But I saw nobody…and it was a normal working day. There was no dirthe of people…but I knew none of them. It was weird. I recalled how I always used to run into someone I knew in the past. Be it 10 a.m or 7 p.m, there was always somebody there if not everybody! Debayan, Ria, Arunopol, Maitreyee, Rupsha, Toko, Ayesha, Deb, Priyanka…someone was ALWAYS there! But now? Nobody! Not even anybody I knew just by face!!! That’s when I felt a little strange…like I didn’t belong there.

Its funny how a place that was so close to my heart refused to accept me now. I remember spending some of the best moments of my college life there. That was perhaps the place I used to be most comfortable at times. I always hung out there. And I always felt welcome there. And now it was so different…I got up and I went over to the ledge on the 1st floor of the Arts Deprtment. I still had about half an hour that I had to wait out.

I smile...

There are many a times when I smile. But the times I smile when I am alone are the ones that generally produce the heartiest smiles...often ending up in giggles. And I smile by myself quite often. I smile when my phone shows "Mamdo Bhoot" calling or maybe "Yeti" or "Balloon"! Yeah my phonebook is quite strange. I smile when I pass by Moni da's canteen. I smile when I walk past the hawkers selling dresses in Gariahat. I smile when I pass by certain class rooms in college. I smile when I pass by a certain building. I smile when I go past the Book Store. I smile when I eat Chicken Pokora at Milon Da's. I smile when I go behind the Economics Department. I smile when I am on my way to the byepass over the Gariahat-Kasba Connector and I catch a glimpse of Gariahat Mall ( its probably shut down now though). I smile when I see the school bus of a certain school passing by. I smile when I go past a shop in Park Circus. I smile when I go to City Centre. I smile when I see the lifts in City Centre. I cannot stop smiling when I am in one of those lifts. I smile when I go past a certain Ladies' wear shop in City Centre.I smile whenever I ride a rickshaw. I cant hold back my smile when I am on a rickshaw and its raining. I smile when I go by Peter Cat. I smile when I go to Krystal Chopsticks. I smile when I walk past Bar-B-Q. I smile when I see the sun after the showers. I smile when I see a broken chair. I smile when I go past a Fast Food shop in Golpark. I smile when I go by the CCD at Lake Road. I smile whenever I see the Archies Gallery in South City. I smile a little first when I go past Grub Club and then a little more when I pass Caffeine. I smile when I enter the road beside Mouchak in Golpark. I smile whenever I am at the Cold Drinks shop at the corner of Deshapriya Park. I smile when I walk past Dakkhini. I smile whenever I see a Frankfyn Air Hostess Academy, especially the Gariahat Branch. I smile when I hear the song Love me Tender by Elvis. I smile when I hear the song Whats Going On from the movie Salaam Namaste. I smile when I hear the song Kitne Armaan by Himesh. I smile when I hear a song from Golmaal Returns. I smile when I wear a certain pairof trousers and I can still see some of the red stain that is STILL there! I smile sometimes when I am having Maggi. And sometimes, very few times, I smile even when I am looking myself in the mirror!

And all of the times I have spoken of above, I dont need anybody to be there with me or say anything to me to make me smile. I just smile all by myself. And the best part is that earlier, not ALL of these made me smile. Rather, some of them would almost make me cry. But how things change! I cant stop smiling when I see them now. Wish everything was just like this, all the sadness get washed away and only the happy memories remain...

LISTS

This post is all about lists.

List of names I have been called in my lifetime:
Neel, Nilayan, Neel madhav, Lebu, Putke, Nylon, Dushtu Santa, Neel Man,Nilu di, Sea lion, Blue Lion, Baby whale, Baby tiger, Rhinopotammus, Gondaar, Rhino Man, Googly Woogly, Mutku, Gendaswami, N.D, Nee

List of Superheroes I wanted to be:
Batman, Birdman, Space Ghost, Jake Rockwell from the Centurions, Razor from the Swat Katz, The Human Torch from the Fantastic 4, Iron Man, Wolverine. I also wanted to be Rambo.

List of Villains I wanted to be:
Dick Dastardly, Dr. Freeze from Batman, The Green Goblin from Spiderman.

List of people I wanted to marry:
Jennifer Anniston, Penelope Pitstop, Posion Ivy from Batman, Miss Jones (my class teaher in class 3)

List of things I just HAVE to do:
Bungee Jumping, Scuba diving( I dont know how to swim). Trekking on a mountain that has ice, Eat an entire turkey, face a 95 miles per hour cricket ball, spend an entrire day without any kind of contact with any human being.

I am a tiger. I love being a tiger. It makes me proud of who I am. You know what I love most about being a tiger?The strength. The power. The mystery. Not so much the magnifence. I like being on my own. I like lazing in the sun. I like rolling on the grass. But most of all, I like stalking. The stalking...it gives me so much pleasure...much more than the taste of fresh warm blood on my sharp canines. I love to stalk. More than I like to laze. Or roll. Even more than I like to pounce. Often I stalk for fun. Stalk those puny humans. No I am never going to sink my teeth in their bitter meat, but i love stalking them. Confusing them. Scaring them out of their skin. Its just so much fun to watch the world's most intelligent race twitch in fear. Indeed, I AM the king of the jungle. They know I am there. Behind them. Ahead of them. Beside them. All around them...and yet they cant see me! Its such a helpless feeling. And they want to break free. Run away. But they dont know which way to run. They are scared that they just might run into me. And I love it! Love to follow their searching eyes. Full of panic. Their cowardly eyes smeared in the blood of fear, void of that false pride that always blinds them. And though they dont say it aloud, they beg for mercy. Mercy at the hands of a 'wild' animal. One that lives in the jungle. One that cannot even stand up on two legs. One that flees at the slightest spark of fire. Oh what has the human, the most powerful of God's creatures have to be scared of me for? But yes they are...they ARE scared of me.Why? Because they do not trust themselves. They are tainted with sin. Their confidence is marred with guilt. They are the type who would kill another for no reason at all. For fun. For 'game'. Just to watch the other die. And to bask in the glory of that death and brag about it to all his fellow humans and be bestowed with honour for that...to be honoured for killing. And they call me a beast? That is why they are scared of me. Because they think of me as one like them. The type to kill for pleasure...a savage. Strong though I am, I am not above my creator. I survive because of nature. Its funny how humans leapt so far ahead in evolution and yet forgot this basic fact. And so I respect nature. I respect the laws she has set forth. I am not human. I do not disregard nature. After all, nature is why I am alive.

Well I picked this up from Subid's Facebook profile...nice way to while away the time!

Last beverage → Orange Juice

Last phone call → Dad

Last text message →Sounak

Last song you listened to → The Banana Boat song

Last time you cried →LONG time back…cant even recall

HAVE YOU EVER:

Dated someone twice →Yes

Been cheated on →No

Kissed someone & regretted it →Yes

IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU:

Fallen out of love →No

Laughed until you cried →No

Met someone who changed your life →No

How many people on your top friends do you know in real life? →I know them all (I think)

How many kids do you want to have → One( if I am capable that is!)
Do you have any pets →No

Do you want to change your name →No

What time did you wake up today → 8 15 a.m

What were you doing at midnight last night --> Was watching The Office Series

Last time you saw your father→ 15 mins ago

What's one thing you wish you could change →The world
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom →No.

What's getting on your nerves right now: The unreliable Broadband Connection

What's your real name :Nilayan

Elementary/Primary School --> Don Bosco

Middle/Secondary School → Don Bosco

Hair color →Black

Long or short : Short

Are you a health freak →No

Righty or lefty →Righty. But I dribble and shoot equally well with both feet while playing football.

FIRSTS :

First surgery → Head split open by a fall in the bathroom.

First piercing → Yet to come…never to come I should say…
First best friend → Abhirup

First sport you joined → Cricket
First pet → Dog
First vacation → No idea. Delhi maybe.

CURRENTLY :Eating → No( surprised?).

Drinking →NO.

Waiting → Absolutely!

YOUR FUTURE : (Don’t think about it much…)
Want to get married?→ No compulsion…only if I find somebody suitable to spending my life with.
Want kids? → Yes ( ready to adopt as well)

Careers in mind? → Engineering or starting my own business

HAVE YOU EVER :Kissed a stranger → No

Drank hard liquor → No

Lost glasses/contacts : No

Ran away from home → No.

Broken someone's heart →YES YES YES..

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

Yourself →To the core.

Miracles → If you want a miracle, be the miracle.

Love at first sight → No

Heaven : Not really.
Hell – No.

Santa Claus : Not now…but earlier yes.

Kiss on the first date→Yes if the time is right.

Angels → Only if they mean hot girls.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :

Is there one person you want to be with right now? → No

Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → NO NO NO. Never will.

Do you believe in God? →Yes but in VERY weird way…unique I would say.

Solitude is bliss. It’s a necessity. I love solitude. That’s because I am not scared of meeting myself. I like to look myself in the eye. Discuss my shortcomings with myself. Exult on my successes. Bitch about everybody and anybody. There was this time when I was afraid of myself. Afraid of facing myself. That was because I tried too hard to hide SO many things from myself. I was always petrified that I would challenge myself. I would fight with myself and all those unpleasant truths would surface and shove me into perpetual depression and gloom. But I stood up to my fears. I realized all these truths were unpleasant all right, but they weren’t bigger than me. It was all in my mind. They were big wannabes. They just knew how to intimidate. They never could actually do anything to me. I just had to stand up to them. Gather up my shattered courage and stand up to them. I had been stupidly holding on to the past, superstitiously believing that it was saving me from these truths. But it never did. Shutting these truths and fears behind doors didn’t lock them out. They kept banging on the doors and grabbed out with their bony hands through the cracks. They never let me be at peace. But I stood up. And faced them. Beat them. And now, atleast I am not afraid of myself. I like to be with me. In fact I am my best. I cant do without me.

Life is all about running. Keep running. Don’t stop. If you stop, everything simply runs past! Don’t stop. Run. Leave people and things behind. If you don’t, they are going to leave you behind. And I am young. So I can run faster. Make hay while the sun shines. Run along. Run as fast as you can. Which way? The direction in which you see the light. That’s the loneliest road. Rarely people take it. Traffic is scarce here. You hardly come across anybody. And its very rough here. Not like the other one everybody else took. But this is the right road. And when you are running on this road, everybody can see you. I am young. So I shouldn’t stop. There will come a day when I wont be able to run anymore. I don’t want to be regretting today then. But why are we running? I don’t know. I have no idea. Is all this running going to get us anywhere? I don’t know. Right now, it just feels great to run. And I want to run along.

Heat em up

Its been a hot H O T summer and the heat is still on! Exams over, industrial training looming in the horizon, its quite an exciting summer as well. Exams? Lets not get there. All I have to say is that I THINK its not going to be six points this time around! Well there is a LOT more that’s been happening. Take for example, the return of “little Jacky Paper”. Don’t worry! This is an interactive blog, you will soon figure out who THAT is. Then there have been early morning drives. And loads and loads of jogging around! But I must say, in the end, I am happy. Not entirely happy, but I have taken many positive steps forward in life.

Here is a song I heard recently. Its really old. And its funny. But its got inner meanings. And I could connect to it. It kinda tells my story. Well the story of my past. Its different now…

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Little jackie paper loved that rascal puff,
And brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee.

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail
Jackie kept a lookout perched on puffs gigantic tail,
Noble kings and princes would bow wheneer they came,
Pirate ships would lower their flag when puff roared out his name. oh!

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee.

A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, jackie paper came no more
And puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.
His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain,
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, puff could not be brave,
So puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave. oh!

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee.


It really amazes me nowadays how immature I had been. I also feel great when I realize how lucky I have been. Not everybody gets to carry such great memories with them. And what I had thought earlier, is being disproved.

But truly, what made my summer this year is the limited edition SUMMER AXE DEODRANT!

Summer Wine

Strawberries cherries and an angel�s kiss in spring
My summer wine is really made from all these things

I walked in town on silver spurs that jingled to
A song that I had only sang to just a few
She saw my silver spurs and said lets pass some time
And I will give to you summer wine
Ohh-oh-oh summer wine

Strawberries cherries and an angel�s kiss in spring
My summer wine is really made from all these things
Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time
And I will give to you summer wine
Ohhh-oh summer wine

My eyes grew heavy and my lips they could not speak
I tried to get up but I couldn�t find my feet
She reassured me with an unfamiliar line
And then she gave to me more summer wine
Ohh-oh-oh summer wine

Strawberries cherries and an angel�s kiss in spring
My summer wine is really made from all these things
Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time
And I will give to you summer wine
Mmm-mm summer wine

When I woke up the sun was shining in my eyes
My silver spurs were gone my head felt twice its size
She took my silver spurs a dollar and a dime
And left me cravin� for more summer wine
Ohh-oh-oh summer wine

Strawberries cherries and an angel�s kiss in spring
My summer wine is really made from all these things
Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time
And I will give to you summer wine
Mmm-mm summer wine


I simply love this song...check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bj6nhpC5Qbo&feature=related

Simply Random.

I cannot drive unless I am barefeet.

Whenever I am looking to avoid somebody or get out of a tight situation, I always pretend to be having an incoming phone call.

I like to sit at the dining table with my legs folded… I mean in yoga posture…even when I am at the study table…

I like to dance naked before I take a bath.

As far as I can remember, my first aim in life was to become a faithful dog…

In class 5 I was hell bent on becoming a truck driver…more a “lorry” driver I should say.

I have been playing cricket since I don’t know when. Till date, in whatever tournament I have participated in( I can remember of atleast 8), I have never won a single MATCH…only recently, just a few days ago I won my first cricket tournament match...in college…2nd year.

I like to chew ice.

I like the moon better than the sun but I prefer sunlight to moonlight.

I chew my straw when I am having a soft drink.

I talk to dogs…I mean very VERY seriously…and I am very confident that I am able to communicate with them…atleast I can convey my message if I want them to do something for me.

I like to hold my breathe when I am at the shower.

If I am carrying something heavy on my left hand( or right), and my arm starts aching, I like the pain and I don’t shift the load to the other hand…I like the pain…it makes me feel good.

I like to make fish noises.

I prefer my maggie slimy.

When I am having chicken roll at home, I open it up and have the paratha and chicken kebabs separately.

I like to have honey.

When I was alone, you held out your hand,
And when I didn’t take it, you caressed my arm.
But I didn’t feel it.
But when you held my hand, I saw you,
And how stupid of me to haven’t seen u before!

Lochinvar

This is a poem I had in my school curriculum. I love it.



Oh! young Lochinvar is come out of the west,
Through all the wide Border his steed was the best;
And save his good broadsword he weapons had none.
He rode all unarmed and he rode all alone.
So faithful in love and so dauntless in war,
There never was knight like the young Lochinvar.

He stayed not for brake and he stopped not for stone,
He swam the Eske river where ford there was none,
But ere he alighted at Netherby gate
The bride had consented, the gallant came late:
For a laggard in love and a dastard in war
Was to wed the fair Ellen of brave Lochinvar.

So boldly he entered the Netherby Hall,
Among bridesmen, and kinsmen, and brothers, and all:
Then spoke the bride’s father, his hand on his sword,
For the poor craven bridegroom said never a word,
‘Oh! come ye in peace here, or come ye in war,
Or to dance at our bridal, young Lord Lochinvar?’

‘I long wooed your daughter, my suit you denied;
Love swells like the Solway, but ebbs like its tide
And now am I come, with this lost love of mine,
To lead but one measure, drink one cup of wine.
There are maidens in Scotland more lovely by far,
That would gladly be bride to the young Lochinvar.’

The bride kissed the goblet; the knight took it up,
He quaffed off the wine, and he threw down the cup,
She looked down to blush, and she looked up to sigh,
With a smile on her lips and a tear in her eye.
He took her soft hand ere her mother could bar,
‘Now tread we a measure!’ said young Lochinvar.

So stately his form, and so lovely her face,
That never a hall such a galliard did grace;
While her mother did fret, and her father did fume,
And the bridegroom stood dangling his bonnet and plume;
And the bride-maidens whispered ‘’Twere better by far
To have matched our fair cousin with young Lochinvar.’

One touch to her hand and one word in her ear,
When they reached the hall-door, and the charger stood near;
So light to the croupe the fair lady he swung,
So light to the saddle before her he sprung!
‘She is won! we are gone, over bank, bush, and scaur;
They’ll have fleet steeds that follow,’ quoth young Lochinvar.

There was mounting ’mong Graemes of the Netherby clan;
Fosters, Fenwicks, and Musgraves, they rode and they ran:
There was racing and chasing on Cannobie Lee,
But the lost bride of Netherby ne’er did they see.
So daring in love and so dauntless in war,
Have ye e’er heard of gallant like young Lochinvar?

- Sir Walter Scott

How many times must you break your heart, before you know whats right?

Its funny how people keep making the same mistakes. Especially in love. Why oh why do you like indulging so much in love? Wasn’t the pain enough last time? You want it back again…it sucks you in and then spits you out…like a rejected piece of meat. And you are dying to go back in again! I got no problems with people being in love. But why do people start living in the future when they are in love? You can love somebody just as much today…why worry about what is going to happen 10 years later…whether you will be married…or how you are going to set up your home…how you are still going to look into each others’ eyes when you are sixty. Why DO you need to think about all that…if all of these things happened, it would be great…I agree. But there are lots of things you can do now…and you are supposed to do now…and the more you think about the future, the lesser you think of the present. And you forget to do things in the present. And then the future is too far away from you…and then you break your heart. That’s what I did. That’s what she did. That’s what you are doing…again. Get a hold of yourself. Everything is in your hands…live the moment…don’t spend your time worrying how your future is going to be. Love screws…

Mindplay

I am sitting up here. Its not VERY high. But its higher than the usual. And I like high spots. To be on top. To look down at the rest of the world. Not to look down with distaste. Nor with pride. Just fascination. To look at, without being looked at. Most people don’t look up to see. They are happy to just look back and look down or at the most to look ahead. So being up is good when you don’t want to be looked at. And it’s a funny kind of day today. There is a lot on my mind but nothing seems like it going to be implemented. I want to think about a lot of things but not do anything about them. Sometimes this world, with all its people seem just so unreal to me. Its like that movie Matrix. Sometimes I wonder if somebody is going to come up to me and say that all along I have been living in a virtual world, with people that don’t really exist., like its all been my imagination or something. Its like I am absolutely prepared to face that truth. If somebody told me such a thing, I wouldn’t be least surprised.

Well it’s a funny day and it’s a funny weather. The winter is bidding farewell and unlike its character, it seems itching to be on its way. And its afternoon. So its warm. Especially up here. The sun isn’t beating down on me. But it is giving off that “lazy warmth”. The one which makes your eyes drowsy and gives you a little ache just above your brow, and it takes you away to some far off place. A place which you left behind. Happy places. Where coconut trees sway in the breeze and the rustle of their leaves is the only challenge to the silence around you. And there is this song humming in your mind. About the boy who stood on the top of the hill, about arms being wide open, about first love…
If I close my eyes I see better. The images form better and I see vivid pictures. Memories and images stringed together randomly, rushing by like the midnight express train. And they don’t make any sense at first. But if I stare deep enough, they tell me something, remind me of happier, purer, innocent and honest days. And I lie down on my back. Spread my arms out…as if to hug the sky. I cant look the sum in the eye. But I see tiny dots when I shut my eyes. Floating dots scurry about and dodge each other. At first there were many of them – yellow, blue, green, orange. But soon most of them disappear. The orange ones like to stay the longest. And I take my shirt off and I lie beneath the sun. the sun makes me feel divine. Its unpurged ecstasy. And I want to lie like this forever, until the sky falls down on me.

Redemption.

The two of them walk now.
They both made similar yet very different mistakes.
He had mistaken friendship for love and,
She had mistaken love for friendship.
And they lost both.
But now they walked together,
Hand in hand.